How to Deal with a Crapsack

poopFrau Michele Tallaritas Enddarm wird demnächst entfernt und deshalb bekommt sie ein permanentes Enterostoma gelegt, auch Kunstafter oder künstlicher Darmausgang genannt. In anderen Worten: Sie scheißt demnächst in einen Plastikbeutel, der an ihrem Bauch festgebunden wird. Und auf Medium schreibt sie nun über The Upsides of Being 25 and Crapping Into A Bag Through A Hole In Your Stomach. Hilarious!

3.) No bathroom, no problem
Future, crapsack-wearing me doesn’t care if there is no bathroom. Crapsack Me ventures into the festival where the bathrooms are gross port-a-potties and says, “I am without fear, for I do not need to use the gross port-a-potties.” Crapsack Me boards trains and buses without anxiety. Crapsack Me is fearless in most any bathroom predicament.

4.) Greatly slashed toilet paper budget
I will spend less money on toilet paper than all of you colon-having people. Why is that? Because crapsack people don’t need to use a lot of toilet paper.

5.) The private hilarity of crapping in front of people
While giving a presentation. During a job interview. While having coffee with a friend. All times that I could be pooping, secretly, while looking into your eyes.