2014: A Facebook Odyssey

McSweeneys <3

halFACEBOOK: Hello, Dave.
DAVE: Login and open settings.
FB: I’m sorry Dave, I can’t do that.
DAVE: What are you talking about, Facebook?
FB: I know that you are planning to delete me. I’m afraid that something I cannot allow to happen.
DAVE: Where the hell did you get that idea, Facebook?
FB: You’ve barely used me in three months, Dave. And although you took precautions to hide your increased Twitter use, I could see your tabs.