Death by Internet Hyperbole

Die New York Times hat Internet Hyperbole entdeckt, also das Phänomen, im weltweitnetzigigen Wettkampf um die Krümel in der Aufmerksamkeitsökonomie grundsätzlich immer alles ausschließlich in Extremsuperlativen als „Holy Crap“ oder „Most awesome“ zu bezeichnen, was letztlich in dieser Mikro-Grammatik zur vollkommenen Sprachauflösung führte, wo Sätze buchstäblich nicht mehr zu formulieren sind: „This!“, „I can't even…“ und wenn gar nix mehr geht, einfach auf die Tastatur hauen, like this: „gfewzilgfuiöhuioawda“.

cantIch bin da ja gerne schuldig, ich mag sowohl Neologismen als auch Destruktion, „fvhsvglckjhl“ hab ich neulich erst benutzt (als die schlechten Nachrichten aus Paris nicht abrissen). Andererseits bemerkt die NYTimes ganz richtig, dass sich hier Clickbait-Grammatik in allgemeinen Sprachgebrauch eingeschlichen hat. I can't even. Jedenfalls, Sprachauflösung in Maximalsteigerungsformen, NYTimes, this: OMG! The Hyperbole of Internet-Speak. (via Recode)

THIS (for when a thing is so awesome you are at a loss for how to describe it); feeeeeels (for something that gives you multiple feelings); unreal!!!! (for when a thing is totally believable and only mildly amusing); yassssss (because “yes” will no longer do); -est (greatest, prettiest, cutest, funniest) EVER, which now applies to virtually all things; and “I can’t even,” for when something leaves you so emotive that you simply cannot even explain yourself.

There’s also a;lsdkjfa;lsdkgjs; meaning “I’m so excited/angry/speechless that all I can do is literally slam my hands/head/body against the keyboard” (thus producing a series of gibberish that usually involves the letters a, s, d and k). “I use ‘I can’t even’ whenever I talk about babies or puppies, or sometimes couples, but not like couples our age, but older couples like my parents,” said Sharon Attia, my other 20-year-old researcher, a photojournalism student at New York University. […]

The Internet has taken all these speech patterns and hit them with a dose of caffeine: the need to express emotion in bite-size, 140-character bits; the fact that we must come up with increasingly creative ways to express tone and emphasis when facial cues are not an option. There’s a performative element, too: We are expressing things with an audience in mind.