The A–Z of Music Journalism Bullshit

The Stool Pigeon hat 'ne tolle Liste der schlimmsten Formulierungen des Musikjournalismus. Mein persönlicher Musikjournalism-Bullshit seit ein paar Jahren ist ja nach wie vor EDM. 1.) Gab es bereits in den 80ern Electronic Body Music, 2.) Ist zumindest heutzutage ohnehin nahezu jegliche Dance-Music elektronisch (wobei man natürlich streiten kann, ob Rock oder Punk nicht auch strenggenommen Tanzmusik sind)… jedenfalls: EDM, pfff, Bullshit. Hier meine Favorites:

Deconstructionist pop — sounds like Animal Collective

Elegantly wasted — Let’s be real: if you saw the pallid human blancmange that is Pete Doherty slinking down the street towards you in jeans and T-shirt, you’d give him the widest of possible berths. But give the man a trilby hat and a blood-spattered volume of symbolist poetry, and lo, he becomes “elegantly wasted”. It’s OK, we don’t get it either.

Pop for a perfect world — Trust us, you don’t want to know what a music critic’s perfect world looks like. But you can bet your ass it features Shins B-sides at numbers one to forty in the charts. And still they’d have the temerity to try and make a living from their self-important whingeing.

“Set the blogosphere alight” — Well done! Your innovative blend of Fleetwood Mac, nineties R&B and Sade — a singer you’d never even heard of before The xx started banging on about her — has “set the blogosphere alight” with your brand new track, featuring artfully NSFW video. That Pitchfork BNM’d is surely in the post.

Whiskey-soaked vocals — English lit polytechnic graduate, now based in Warrington, seriously wishes he was Tom Waits

An A-Z Guide to Music Journalist Bullshit (via Dangerous Minds)