The Fuck Up Big Time-Man

Gepostet vor 6 Jahren, 5 Monaten in #Fun #Misc #TheOnion

Share: Twitter Facebook Mail

The Onion über einen Superhelden mit der unwahrscheinlichen Fähigkeit, alles, aber auch wirklich alles größtmöglichst zu versauen:

Neurologists at Johns Hopkins University confirmed Monday they remain completely baffled by Rockville, MD resident Erik Collins, a man who possesses an extraordinary and previously undocumented ability to fuck everything up. […]

"We've never seen these cognitive abilities in a human subject before," said Moore, adding that Collins invariably misses important appointments, fails to call loved ones on their birthdays, and runs out of gas at busy intersections. "Probability dictates that even the biggest fuckups should occasionally get things right, if only by accident. But not Erik. We observed him making breakfast in 72 experimental trials, and 72 times he ended up with an inedible gray mush."

"Seriously, how does anyone screw up toast?" Moore added.

Scientists Baffled By Man's Incredible Ability To Fuck Up Every Time

Bioluminescent Organisms and their glowy Bullshit

Hach, Clickhole

Deadly Super Rainbow

The Onion is on a run lately: „Dozens in California are killed after a powerful Super Rainbow burns a trail…

The Cow Smashing Machine is all beefed up

Großartiges, böses Fleischding vom Onion. „The Pig-Machine is porking out hardcore.“ The price of meat in the U.S. hit a…

The Onion does Buzzfeed

Endlich! The Onion nimmt Buzzfeed und Clickbaiters und die ganzen Klickmich-Arschkriecher und Sharemich-Schleimer aufs Korn. It's about time. Die Seite…

The Onion: Bush paints Ghost of iraqi Child that follows him everywhere

 Youtube Direktbush The Onion: „George W. Bush Debuts New Paintings Of Dogs, Friends, Ghost Of Iraqi Child That Follows Him…

Cops kissing Criminals

 Youtube Direktkiss, via Death and Taxes The Onion mal wieder in Hochform: Bloomberg Defends NYPD’s Controversial Stop And Kiss Program.…

Sponsored Content is pretty fucking awesome

Ich habe, glaube ich, im Leben noch nicht auf Sponsored Content verlinkt. Aber hiermit hat der Onion grade mal die…

The Onions Future News From The Year 2137

 Youtube Direktonion

Jeez, this week

The Onion perfectly wraps up this week: „Citizens across the nation confirmed today that, Jesus, this week. This fucking week,…

The On1on: It's not funny, cause it's true

The On1on, Reddits Not The Onion als Onion-Spoof. Meine Lieblingsheadlines: - Man sues parents for not loving him enough -…

The Man Inside The Nicolas Cage Costume

X-Posting von den Filmfreunden: The Onion, man muss sie einfach lieben: Meet The Man Inside The Nicolas Cage Costume: „Star…